Caregiver’s Dilemma: Did You Make the Cut?
The holiday season is in full swing, and your to-do list seems to grow longer by the day.
If you are a caregiver to a senior adult, the responsibilities can feel overwhelming and
unlike the holidays, they don’t end after New Year’s Day. Eldercare is not seasonal, and
caregivers need ongoing support.
A few years ago, a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, I gathered everyone’s wish
lists and got to work. Over the next few weeks, while juggling my job, I shopped for gifts
and groceries, bought cards, spent hours writing notes, and wrapped presents. A friend
looked at me and said, “If you act like you can carry the world, people are going to let
you do it.”
On Christmas Day, as gifts were being opened, one of my nieces asked, “Auntie, why
do you always get pajamas?” Later, an older aunt gently pulled me aside and told me to
stop doing what I was doing. My generosity, she said, wasn’t being appreciated, it was
expected. I was stunned, but she was right.
By the end of that holiday season, I was exhausted and sick with bronchitis. Then came
a question that stopped me cold: “Where are you on the list of the ten most important
people in your life?” I started counting and I didn’t make the list – I was fifteenth!
Once the shock wore off, I knew something had to change. I began reassessing my
relationships and acknowledged that I had created a situation that was draining me
emotionally, physically, and financially. I had to fix it before I disappeared beneath the
weight of everyone else’s needs and expectations.
I asked myself hard questions: What does a crisis manager do when they are in crisis?
Where does love end and obligation begin? I recognized my lack of boundaries and
worked through the guilt and need for approval that kept me stuck.
I began practicing yoga and meditation, and I learned to say “No.” The journey back to
myself was long and complicated, but I persevered.
Giving endlessly leads to resentment, depression, and burnout. Self-care isn’t about
indulgent spa days; it’s about nurturing yourself and recognizing that you cannot care
for others while running on empty. Taking time to rest, reflect, and refuel is not selfish;
it’s essential. Saying “No” before you are overwhelmed is a healthy, rational response.
Self-care supports mental health by reducing stress, depression, and emotional
overload. It is, quite simply, self-preservation.
This holiday season, try practicing a little self-care. Buy yourself a gift or two. Allow
yourself time to relax and enjoy the company of others. Take a quiet drive, go for a walk,
or soak in a bubble bath.
Lana Smith’s company, Earth Ahead (https://earthahead.com), offers eco-friendly,
handmade soaps, gua sha stones, and other all-natural personal care products.
Thoughtfully made with natural ingredients, they provide a gentle, luxurious way to
incorporate moments of mindful pause into your daily routine, especially during stressful
times.
As you sit around the holiday table with family and friends, ask yourself: “Who will
support me when I need help caring for my parents or other loved ones?”
You don’t have to do this alone. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation. I’ll help you
create a practical, workable action plan so you can manage